The Day I Passed the Bar Exam

The day I found out that I passed the bar exam was a really great day. The bar exam had been hanging over my head for three months, so finding out that I officially passed it was a huge relief!

It was Halloween, and we knew results were supposed to be released on the Board of Law Examiners' webpage at some point that afternoon.

I wore one of my favorite dresses to work, since I was hoping it would turn out to be a celebratory day!

After lunch, I pulled up the website where the bar results would be posted, and I started refreshing the screen every five minutes or so. Around 1:00, one of my coworkers told me that a friend of a friend of a friend of his who works at the Texas Supreme Court had heard that the results wouldn't be at the justices' chambers until 2:00, so we figured that was the earliest we'd hear anything. 

Around the same time, the website was updated with a page of statistics, including the overall pass/fail rate and pass/fail rates for each law school in Texas. So we all knew that 26 people from my school failed, but we had no idea who they were. Stressful!

I ended up getting a time-sensitive project at work right after that, which was a big blessing because I stopped worrying and refreshing the screen, and I just worked. The next thing I knew, two of my coworkers were in my office asking "have you seen it yet?" I immediately asked them if they knew my results, and they told me I passed! It was about 2:15.

Of course, I immediately pulled up the website to see it for myself, and sure enough, there was my name! 

Since Texas posts the results online for everyone to see, I started getting emails and texts from friends and family pretty much right away. I felt so supported and loved! Jeff was refreshing the website all afternoon, and I think he actually knew I passed before I knew! 

Above all else, I was just SO relieved! There's a bar in downtown Houston called "State Bar," and it's kind of an unofficial tradition that everyone goes there to celebrate passing the bar exam. So I finished up a few things at work, and then around 5:30 I headed over with the rest of the first-year associates at my office. 

(source)

Jeff met us there, and a bunch of my friends from law school were there too. It was a fun celebration! Jeff and I left around 8:00 so we could get home and catch the last of the trick-or-treaters. We poured a couple glasses of wine and passed out candy and had a lovely evening! 

Jeff got me flowers and a really big dark chocolate bar as a congrats gift. I was like "wow, that's a really big chocolate bar!" and he said "because the bar is a really big test!" Can't argue with that! Haha.

I registered with the State Bar of Texas the next day, took my oath a few days later, and officially became an attorney! 

And without further ado, I'm officially crossing #20 off my 30 Before 30 List! 

Passed!

Do y'all know what that is? It's my name on the Board of Law Examiners' bar exam pass list! 

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support throughout this process... it's a HUGE weight off my shoulders to have this behind me and move on! 

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand. It is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

Final Thoughts on the Bar Exam

Ok, last bar exam post, I promise! Tomorrow I'll go back to business as usual on Spirals & Spatulas. I just wanted to jot a few things down for the sake of comprehensively documenting this journey I've been on.

First of all, I have never appreciated my dear husband as much as I have these last few weeks. He has been so perfectly selfless and amazing, and I feel so grateful. I stopped doing anything at all around the house for the last few weeks, and he made dinner, made sure I had food for lunch, washed dishes, did laundry, etc., etc. He did it all, no complaining, no questions asked. He ran to the store at 11:00pm to buy me more note cards, he set up our hotel reservations for me, and he came home to a stressed out wife every day for weeks and loved me anyway. I have been so amazed at the depth of his generosity. I know I've been tough to be married to recently, but you never would have known it by the way he was acting. When I was younger, I always used to think I'd get married around the time I turned 30 or so... I figured I'd do the career thing and then worry about finding a husband. But God had other plans. God knew I was going to need Jeff to get me through law school, and then the bar exam. He has been such a huge blessing to me.

Secondly, as horrible and stressful as studying for the bar exam was, I think I handled it remarkably well and I kind of surprised myself with how level-headed I was throughout the whole process. Emotionally, I was pretty much just fine. I cried about it one night after staying up until 2:00am failing criminal law practice tests (criminal law = SO not my area of expertise), but I think one little crying episode in the entire summer really isn't bad at all.

I know I've been under a lot of stress... my body has been letting me know. I lost 10ish pounds on accident (I think due to lack of appetite, which I'm pretty sure was stress-induced), my hair has been falling out, my skin was breaking out, I wasn't sleeping well, and I randomly started getting nosebleeds in July (I have never had nosebleeds in my life, so that was really weird). All textbook symptoms of stress. But even though I was clearly under a lot of stress, I was emotionally handling it really well. I think law school has made me stronger and more resilient. I've developed a confidence in my ability to do things that seem impossible thanks to those three years of law school, and I have an ability to set aside whatever anxieties I have and just do what needs to be done. I've grown a lot in the last three years. Now I know I can handle a lot more than I think I can. It turns out something positive did come out of those three years of Rough Stuff (with capital letters to convey just how rough the stuff was).

And finally, I just really, really hope I don't have to take it again. I don't feel like I did well enough to be confident that I passed it. Of course, it's the sort of test that no one leaves feeling like "yes, aced it!" or whatever, but still. It's going to be a long wait until the results come out October 31st. Mostly, I just feel like I have to pass it this time because I don't think I can handle doing it again. The process of studying for that test was just too awful. The amount of hours I put in... I cringe just thinking about it. I almost feel like I have bar exam PTSD or something, and maybe I do in a mild sort of way. The thought of having to take the February one just kills me. I guess I'll just keep asking St. Joseph Cupertino (patron saint of test-takers) and St. Thomas More (patron saint of lawyers) to pray for me until the results come out.

Bottom Line: the bar exam is awful. Studying for the bar exam is awful. Law school is awful, of course, but studying for the bar is just the icing on the cake. Icing on the cake of awful. I'm so glad it's behind me (for now, at least).

Bar Exam Bible Verses

I want to share the Bible verses that got me through the horrible journey of studying for the bar exam. I think the fear, worry, and stress that I experienced are universal emotions, so I'm sure there are a lot of different situations where these verses would be comforting. At the very least, maybe someone who Googles "bar exam bible verses" next year will find this instead of the unsatisfying list of search results that I found when I Googled it a couple months ago!

For the times when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore:

I lift my eyes to the hills. From whence does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7

For the times when I was just plain terrified:

Some trust in their war chariots and others in their horses, but we trust in the power of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

For the times when I needed a little motivation:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirt of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

Bar Exam Diary

I like to write. It helps me gather my thoughts and relaxes me. So I kept a sort of bar exam diary on my computer during the day before and days during the test. I thought I'd post it as sort of a glimpse into what the bar exam is really like. You can feel like you lived through it with me. :) 

Monday:

We're staying at a hotel in town for the next few days so I don't have to worry about traffic and the commute from Humble. I did a practice drive from the hotel to Reliant Center to make sure I knew where to park, etc. The gate attendants at Reliant were so nice. I talked to two ladies and told them what I was there for, and they told me exactly where the exam would be and one of them said "God bless you tomorrow!" So sweet.

The hotel is nice. I think I can live here and focus well for three days. It's really close to the medical center, so apparently they kind of cater to families/people who are in town for surgeries, chemo, etc. It's actually a good reality check. My life is kind of awful right now, with all the feeling like I'm about to fail the bar exam, etc., but at least we're not here for chemo or surgery. There are a ton of people who would love to trade their problems for mine and fail the bar exam instead, and some of them are in this hotel right now.

There are other Bar exam takers here. I don't know them so it's hard to say for sure, but there are youngish people walking around looking stressed and scruffy and I can just tell.

I looked up the pass rate for UofH last summer. 88%. 26 people failed. So basically I just have to beat 26 of my classmates. Or maybe 28 or 30 to be on the safe side. Is it mean of me to think that way? Is it bad that it made me feel a little better?

Made Jeff quiz me on Procedure & Evidence after dinner. I was stressed about getting things wrong and he just told me "it's okay, I'd just never hire you as a criminal attorney." In the nicest most loving way. Haha. He made me watch an episode of The Office before we went to bed because "your head is spinning." So true.

I set seven alarms to make sure I got up in the morning.

Tuesday:

I needed exactly 0 of those 7 alarms. I'm pretty sure I woke up every 20 minutes all night. At 6:10 I decided that was late enough to get up.

Breakfast was horrible and amazing at the same time. The hotel has a really nice breakfast buffet, but I just wasn't hungry AT ALL (nerves, I guess?). Plus the other tables in the breakfast area were full of people with their Barbri books open. Doing last-minute review or something? I made myself eat some eggs and bacon and yogurt for the sake of protein and not taking an exam on an empty stomach, but ugh I so didn't feel like eating anything. But they had these little mini lemon poppyseed muffins that were delicious.

Jeff kissed me goodbye in the parking lot and it felt like he was sending me off to be tortured or something. He was looking at me with this genuine face full of pity.

Arriving at Reliant was a bit odd. I only ever go there for the rodeo, so it felt weird to be there for something else. I walked into the convention center and it smelled like hay. Except there wasn't any hay. It was just in my head because that's what it smells like when I'm there for the rodeo. Ha!

Another weird thing... there were like 1000 people there. Probably more. All running around with our 2.5-gallon Ziploc bags of laptops and pens (the Board of Law Examiners is supremely picky about what you can bring in). Of course, I only know 200ish of them from school and a few people I've met through work, etc., so basically it was just a bunch of strangers. But think of how many people were taking the test, and how many hours each one of those people spent studying. And after this is over, the vast majority of those hours will be worthless because the bar exam is nothing like real life. If we had all invested all of those hours into something else... like Habitat for Humanity, or cancer research, or whatever, we could have done so much good for the world. But instead, we were all there, taking the bar exam.

I was all adrenaline before we started. And we had to wait through approximately 45 minutes of instructions, so I sat there for a long time. I kept saying Hail Marys in my head. And also I had this song stuck in my head. I think we might have sung it at church last weekend, but whatever the reason, I guess if you're going to have something stuck in your head that's a pretty good one.

We were assigned seats. My seat is awesome. I'm on the end of the row (I only have a neighbor on one side, so I can spread out), far enough away from the A/C vents that it isn't too chilly, and close to the proctors so they'll see me raise my hand if an exam disaster occurs. Plus (and this is the best part), the guy sitting next to me is brilliantly silent and still. No sniffling, no pen clicking, no leg jiggling. It's like taking the bar exam next to a statue. Perfect.

Anyway, today went ok. I know I missed some things but that's to be expected. Glad to have one day behind me (albeit only 20% of the entire exam). I want to bask in the satisfaction of finally finishing something, but alas... I've still got studying to do for the next two days of tests.

Oh, and meet the Katie Bar Exam Uniform: yoga pants, short-sleeved shirt, jacket, glasses, messy bun, and a necklace so I feel pretty despite the glasses and the horrible outfit and the bags under my eyes.

Off to study I go...

Wednesday:

Today's our third anniversary. I feel like the worst wife ever because I celebrated this morning by making Jeff pack a lunch (I didn't really "make" him... he did it voluntarily, but still) for me and complaining about how I really can't stand eating big breakfasts and feel like throwing up (nerves? weird hotel eggs? the expired french vanilla creamer I used this morning in my coffee? One can never be sure). But this whole Bar-exam-Katie is definitely temporary and almost over, and I think he understands.

Regarding today's exam...

Uhh. Sooo. That was rough.

Whoever's behind the popular statement that the Barbri MBE practice questions are harder than the real thing - you, sir, are a liar.

And on top of everything else, the fluorescent light directly above my head in the exam room picked today to start flickering and burning out. So my miserable multiple choice testing experience was punctuated by the repetitive on-and-off of the light above my head. And given how often I felt like there was something intelligent in my brain, and then nothing, and then something intelligent, and then nothing, it sure felt like that stupid light was mocking me. I'm looking forward to spending another day with that mean old light tomorrow.

I ate lunch alone in my car because I just didn't want to see anyone. Is it weird that my law school friends stress me out? I just felt like I couldn't handle an hour of nervous small talk in between the morning and afternoon sessions. Instead I sat in my car and ate my PB&J that Jeff lovingly made for me (he put a sweet little note in my lunchbox too) and reviewed my evidence outline. And you know what? I got an evidence question right during the afternoon exam because of that last-minute studying that I wouldn't have known the answer to otherwise. So if I pass by one point, we can all say thank you to that lunch alone in my car. Otherwise, I guess it was worthless, but it made me feel better to be doing something seemingly productive.

We had a quick little mini anniversary celebration where we said "happy anniversary!" and exchanged gifts/cards. I thought last year's anniversary was pretty lackluster with Jeff being out of town for work, but this one takes the cake for sure. Here we are, both of us in town and spending the night in a nice hotel but we're not having one little bit of fun. Well, maybe like 3% fun. But mostly our lives are just consumed by the Bar exam. Me with studying and stressing, and Jeff with occupying himself somehow and attempting to make sure I'm eating and sleeping when I should. He's a good husband like that. He's picking up Chipotle for dinner.

Anyway. Another day down. Tonight's my last night of bar studying (well, assuming I don't fail and have to take it again in February), which is nice I suppose. Tomorrow's gonna be brutal. I hate the bar exam.

Thursday:

Another day, another bar exam segment. So sick of this. I stayed up pretty late last night reviewing and went to bed around 2:00am. I know you're supposed to get a good night sleep and all, but I also know what works for me, and it's more important to me to feel like I've studied everything I wanted to before taking the test. Plus, I'm not sleeping well anyway, so I was going to be tired either way.

My coffee cup at the hotel claimed the coffee gives you "dangerously high intellect." I sure hope that's true.

The morning session (six essays - wills and estate administration, property/oil & gas, and secured transactions/commercial paper) went pretty well. I felt really good about it. I almost texted Jeff "rocked it. :)" at lunch but I decided that was too confident and ended up going with "morning went ok, business associations, trusts, consumer, and family law in the afternoon!"

I studied again during lunch. I don't know that it helped at all, but I reviewed my family law stuff (one of the topics I felt the least prepared for). As I was walking in for the afternoon session I was feeling a lot better about family law and I thought to myself that I actually felt like I had a pretty good grasp of everything except protective orders. Now, they could have tested on any of the 300ish family law topics, but guess what was on the exam? Yep. Irony at its finest.

Anyway, the afternoon session (six essays - family law/community property, consumer law, trusts/guardianship, business associations) was absolutely brutal. You know how when you're taking a test sometimes you get to something and you just have no idea where to begin so you skip it and come back later? I did that. Twice. Ugh. There were a few sub-questions they asked where I was just like "huh? I literally have no idea AT ALL." On the plus side, I don't think I would've got those issues right even with another week or two of studying because they were just things that weren't in my study materials.

I wish I felt a little better about how I did on the whole thing, but I guess that's always the case with any exam. For now, all that matters is that it's DONE!

So Long, Bar Exam!

DONE.

I didn't have the energy to do much of anything last night, so we celebrated with champagne from our Napa trip and three hours of catching up with our DVR.

I really, really hope I passed, because I really, really do not want to have to take that test again. Now we just have to wait until October 31st to find out. I've already had so many people ask me "how do you think you did?" which is a horrible question because (a) I feel like it was downright horrible, (b) that doesn't mean anything because I'm always harder on myself than I should be, so I have no idea how I really did, (c) doing awful doesn't mean anything, because it's a crazy test where most of the people who pass feel like they did awful, and (d) I don't find out for THREE MONTHS whether I passed, so it's all just pointless to guess at this point.

I just keep telling myself that I should be fine (my law school has something like an 88% pass rate, and I did really well in law school, so my chances of failing are quite low, statistically speaking), but it's hard to drown out the negative thoughts with statistics and practicality. I think trying to forget about it for three months is the better option. 

To all of you - thank you for your thoughts and prayers over the last few weeks, and especially the last few days. I've felt so supported, and I truly appreciate it! 

Now it's time to rest up and clean the house and get my life put back together! 

Italian Calzones

I had my first Bar studying freak-out Wednesday night (or sometime around 2am on Thursday, to be more technical), complete with a few tears and a proclamation that "I don't *sniffle* even wanna BE a lawyer!!" Not my proudest moment. I am continually in awe of how my sweet husband puts up with me. Anyway, under three weeks to go, and the fear is setting in a bit. I can't wait for it all to be over.
Oh. And in the interest of full disclosure, all these recipes I've been posting lately were stockpiled from at least a month ago. I wrote a bunch of posts in May when I had a week off and scheduled them throughout the summer. Lest you think I'm Superwoman or something, here I am, openly admitting that I'm doing ZERO cooking at this point. And very little cleaning. Bar exam trumps everything else. On the plus side, I've also done zero shopping since May except one trip to Goodwill where I spent $11 on a dress and a giant ampersand (remind me to tell you about that later), and we've eaten at restaurants only three or four times all summer long (depending on whether the ever-so-fancy Subway counts), so we're saving lots and lots of money! And I've lost some weight unintentionally because I keep doing things like eating an apple for lunch so I can keep studying. So, if you want to shed pounds and save dollars, the Bar exam may be a good choice! Haha. Moving on...
I had some leftover ricotta cheese in the fridge, so I did a Google search for what I could do with it, and I found this recipe. I'm so glad I did because it's so delicious, and pretty easy too! Apparently "real" authentic calzones use ricotta and no marinara on the inside, and that's just how I like them! 

Recipe adapted from here.
Ingredients: 1 package active dry yeast 1 cup warm water 1 tbsp + 1 tsp olive oil, divided 1 tsp sugar 1/2 tsp salt 2 1/2 cups flour 1/2 cup ricotta cheese 1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese 1/2 cup diced pepperoni 1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms 1 tbsp dried basil leaves 1 egg, beaten marinara for serving (optional)
Directions: 1. In a small bowl, dissolve yeast in water. Add 1 tbsp olive oil, sugar, and salt. Mix in 1 cup of flour until smooth. Gradually stir in the rest of the flour, until dough is smooth. Knead for about 5 minutes, or until dough is elastic. 2. Lay dough in a bowl coated with 1 tsp olive oil. Flip the dough over, cover, and let rise for 40 minutes (it should almost double in size). 3. While dough is rising, combine ricotta, cheddar, pepperoni, mushrooms, and basil in a large bowl. Mix well and set aside in refrigerator. 4. Punch the dough down and separate it into two parts. On a lightly-floured surface, roll each part into a thin circle. 5. Fill each circle with half of the filling mixture and fold over. Fasten the edges by folding them in and pressing them with a fork. Brush some of the beaten egg on top of each calzone. 6. Place the calzones on a lightly-greased baking sheet, and bake at 375 for 30 minutes, or until golden brown. 7. Serve warm with marinara dipping sauce.
(dough, before rising)
(filling mixture)
(dough circle - obviously, it doesn't have to be a perfect circle)
(filling)
(ready for the oven!)
(yummm!)
Ta-da!
Enjoy!

Bar Exam Studying

When people hear that I graduated from law school, they generally assume I'm working as a lawyer now.

When I tell them I won't start work until the fall, they generally assume I'm enjoying some luxurious summer-long break. Which would be great. But that's not how it works, unfortunately. 

I'm studying for the Bar exam, which isn't until July 30th, but the Texas version is such a large, three-day monster of a test (the second day of which happens to fall on our third anniversary, so yay for marital bliss and Bar exams) that you have to start studying months in advance. I'm taking a fancy expensive prep course (thanks for paying for that, law firm). The great thing about the fancy expensive prep course is that it's preparing me for the Bar exam and I don't have to worry about figuring out what to study and when to study it. It just tells me what to do and I do it.

So. Many. Study books.

The bad thing about the fancy expensive prep course is that it wants me to do about 11 hours of stuff every day (not exaggerating). Seven days a week. Lectures, practice tests, practice essays, reading through outlines of substantive law, reviewing notes, more practice tests, etc. Most of my friends have stopped doing everything on the checklist each day (if they ever were to begin with), but y'all know me... I'm a relentless perfectionist, and I just. can't. live. with myself if I don't check off all the items every day.

This is where I'm spending most of my time these days... (craft room sneak peek!)

Of course, we keep taking weekend trips to visit family and friends (because that's what people do during the summer), so every Monday morning I'm 2-3 days behind, and I spend the whole week driving myself crazy catching up, just to get behind again the next weekend. 

All that to say, studying for the Bar exam is no fun, although I do think it's easier than law school itself, so there's that. It's just that I had this glorious picture in my mind of how I would spend my summer exercising in the mornings, studying in the late morning and afternoon, making dinner before Jeff got home, and having quality time with my husband in the evenings. And, uh... that's not happening. So naive. 

But after I finish the three days of Bar exam on August 1st, I do get a nice, long month off. And we will be vacationing BIG TIME. 

All that to say... I've been slacking on the blogging front lately, and it's entirely because I spend the WHOLE day staring at words and/or the computer screen all day doing Bar prep, and usually the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is stare at words on the computer screen some more.

But I'll try to do better! Promise. :)

Law School Graduation

Last Saturday, I finally graduated from law school! It was a wonderful day, and a lot of my family came into town to celebrate with me, and I just felt so blessed to be celebrating the end of law school with so many of the people who got me through it.

I had to be at school at 12:45, so my family and Jeff's family met at our house around 11:30 to get some photos before we left. Everyone helped me put on the fancy JD graduation outfit...

And then we took a bajillion photos. But I'll just share a few:

Can you tell we're very, very excited to be done with law school?

With my parents and sisters

With Jeff's parents and one of Jeff's brothers (the other brother was at his girlfriend's graduation from Texas A&M! Whoop!)

We piled into the car and headed to campus, and I only got there slightly late. Haha! More family met us there, and there ended up being so many people! I got to share the day with my parents, Jeff's parents, my sisters, Jeff's brother, four grandparents, two cousins, three uncles, and two aunts! I felt so special! 

The valedictorian and salutatorian lead the two processional lines, and (surprise!) it turns out I was the salutatorian (at least, I was before the last semester's grades got posted... who knows what I'll be in the end)! So I got to carry a big banner and lead one of the lines.

Here we are sitting and waiting to graduate (my friend Justen and I were joking about something)...

Here I am receiving my hood! 

And then it was over! There were only two-hundred and something of us, so it didn't take too long. After the ceremony, the law school hosted a nice reception back at the Law Center, so we all went to that (and took more photos!).

With my parents and little sisters

With Gran & Grandpa, and my aunt, uncle, and cousin

Gran & Grandpa

With my parents, Gran-Mom & Gran-Dad, two uncles, an aunt, and a cousin

Gran-Mom & Gran-Dad

Aww.

My silly family!

After that, we had a casual little dinner party back at our house. I made a quick salad, my mom and grandma made some appetizers, and we ordered a bunch of pizza from our favorite pizza place in Humble, Sarpino's. 

Jeff told Sarpino's that the pizzas were for his wife's law school graduation, so they all came with lawyer jokes written on the boxes!

My parents brought this pretty cake!

When I thought about what to put on the chalkboard in our kitchen for the party, I knew immediately what it would be. I truly feel that it's only by the grace of God that I've made it through law school (and done really well too!), and I wanted the whole day to be kind of like one big long prayer of thanksgiving! 

I had a great time just hanging out with all of my family. They're the ones who really got me through law school, so it was really nice to celebrate with everyone!

It was a great day. Goodbye, law school!!