Connor's Birth Story

I know I need to write down the story of Connor's birth, but I'm honestly not sure how to put into words the miracle of our baby entering the world. How do you describe the overwhelming joy of finally holding your child in your arms? How do you express the excitement of heading to the hospital, the anticipation through contractions and labor, or the absolute wonder of seeing your son's little face for the first time? There's just no possible way to do it justice with words on a computer screen. So even though it will never measure up to the story that lives in my memory, here's the (very lengthy and wordy) story of the day Connor was born...

The weeks leading up to Connor's birth were really rough on my health. Normally, I'd have done everything possible to keep a baby inside until his due date, but my well-being was deteriorating so quickly and Connor seemed to be doing so well that we started to pray for him to arrive sooner rather than later. 

The evening after my 36-week doctor's appointment, Monday, December 15th, I started feeling some contractions. They weren't very painful, but they were noticeable (a big deal, since I hadn't ever felt any contractions throughout the pregnancy, Braxton Hicks or otherwise). We started timing them. Eight minutes, six minutes, nine minutes, seven minutes. It went on like that for hours and then, around midnight, they slowed down to every fifteen minutes, then every thirty minutes, and false alarm... nothing was happening.

I woke up on Tuesday disappointed that the contractions had stopped. I wasn't allowed to drive or go to work anymore (per the doctor's orders), so I worked from home all day, waiting for contractions that never came. After Jeff got home, I started feeling some contractions again, and I was frustrated that we were about to have another night like the night before. We started timing them again and by 10:00pm or so they were getting closer together, so we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood to try to speed things up.

We walked and walked, looking at Christmas lights and stopping every five minutes or so for me to make little noises through a contraction. I remember looking at the houses all decorated for Christmas, thinking that by the time the decorations came down we'd have a baby here, in our arms. We walked to a playground in our neighborhood, and I promised Connor that if he would just work on coming out very soon, I'd take him there to play one day. The contractions seemed to be coming every five minutes and lasting for 45 seconds or so, but they weren't very painful at all, so I wasn't convinced that it was actually real labor. I don't know if it was hormones or nerves or what, but I just kept giggling every time I had a contraction. It felt unreal and kind of silly, like I was pretending to be in labor. 

We walked for about two hours until I was so cold and tired... tired of walking and tired of waiting... that I just wanted to go home. We came home and decided to try and get some sleep. We went to bed around midnight, and I thought the contractions would just stop like they had the night before.

Every fifteen minutes or so, one of the stronger contractions would wake me up and I'd wait it out and go back to sleep. 12:20. 12:35. 12:50. Around 1:15am I ended up stuck awake with contractions that were pretty close together, and right as I was thinking about grabbing my phone to start timing them, I felt a big contraction and a gush of fluid! I tapped Jeff on the shoulder, saying "Oh my gosh! Either my water just broke or I peed myself!" I sat up in bed and there was another big gush, during which I said something like "ahh! It keeps coming out! It's not pee!" and Jeff said something like "good thing we put that waterproof mattress pad on the bed!" I kept saying "I can't believe that happened! I can't believe this is happening!" I had talked myself into being able to handle being pregnant for another three weeks so much that it was hard to believe Connor was coming early! I was so relieved.

We got up and called my doctor, and she told us to head to the hospital. I ended up running around the house gathering the last-minute things for our hospital bags with a towel between my legs because the amniotic fluid wasn't coming out in a "trickle" like the internet says it does... it was more like a faucet!

Here's my last belly photo... taken right before we left for the hospital!

We got into the car around 2:30 am, me with a new towel between my legs and a couple towels on my seat. Before we pulled out of the driveway, we held hands and Jeff said a little prayer, thanking God for our little boy and asking for a safe and healthy delivery. Then he kissed me and we drove off to meet our Connor Beckett! It was a moment that will live picture-perfect in my memory forever... wet towels and sleepy faces and absolutely beautiful.

There are so many moments during the whole labor process that just make me laugh at myself when I think about them. One of them is me sitting in bed when my water broke yelling "it keeps coming out! It's not pee!" Another is when we first walked into the hospital. I had left my towels in the car, and I knew the pad I had on wouldn't last long, so I quickly waddled up to the security desk at the entrance and said very matter-of-factly "I'm in labor and I'm going upstairs" and then proceeded to the elevator. I'm still not sure whether I was actually supposed to give them my name or something, but I didn't, and they didn't say anything. Five minutes later I was in triage with a nurse. Haha.

The triage nurse said I was 3 cm dilated and having contractions every three minutes, so things were looking good. She had a little test strip to check for amniotic fluid, but she laughed and told me she didn't need to use it... there was so much leaking out of me still that it was plenty obvious without a test strip that my water had broken!

By 4:00 am we were all set up in a Labor & Delivery room, I was hooked up to IV fluids and a pitocin drip, and Jeff had called our parents and siblings to let them know it was Connor's birthday! I didn't really want to experience pitocin contractions, but since my water was broken already we had to get the baby out within a certain time frame to avoid infection, and pitocin was better than risking a C-section. My mom and little sister came to the hospital and hung out with us in the room, and we just waited, watching the contraction monitor and listening to Connor's little heartbeat. 

The pitocin did its job, and my contractions got stronger and closer together, until they got too strong and too close together, and all of the sudden there were alarms going off at the nurse's station because of my scary-high blood pressure and people were rushing into the room, and I don't remember all the details of what happened next, but they determined that the pitocin was up too high and turned it down, then turned it down even more (I don't know what units they use to measure it, but it was on at 8 originally, and they ended up turning it down all the way to 1), and we decided I should go ahead and get an epidural to try and relax my body some and keep my blood pressure out of the scary range. 

Apparently there's normally some waiting involved with getting an epidural, but there was such a fuss going on with my blood pressure and lots of discussion about getting the anesthesiologist faster, now! and somehow they ended up doing the epidural super quickly. The epidural was the one thing I was most terrified about going into the whole labor process (hello, needle up your spine!), and I had originally told them I didn't want one, but with the blood pressure issues and the pitocin issues it just seemed like the best thing to do, and I closed my eyes and tried to be very brave and let my wonderful nurse talk me through it (Jeff wasn't allowed to be in the room), and it was just fine. 

By 10:30 am the epidural was in place. I'd been having contractions for about 17 hours, it had been 9 hours since my water broke, and I'd been on pitocin for about 7 hours. My doctor wanted to deliver Connor by 7:30 pm (18 hours post-water-break) to minimize the risk of infection, and we seemed to be on track to make it. The contractions were coming at a good pace, I didn't feel any pain with the epidural, and my blood pressure was back down to more normal numbers. From there, it was just a lot of waiting. 

Once the distraction of contraction pain was gone, waiting for my body to be ready to push was such a strange thing. I knew I was hours away from meeting my little boy, my little Connor. I knew my life was this close to changing forever. I knew that in just a few more turns of the clock hand I'd be looking into the eyes of the sweet baby that I carried inside of me for all that time, but how do you wait for something like that? It was a sort of heartbreaking agony to be waiting and waiting for something so wonderful and so close. I talked with Jeff and my mom and sister. I munched on ice chips. I prayed that I'd be a good mommy. I prayed that he'd be safe through the delivery. I prayed that we wouldn't need to do a C-section. I looked around the room and tried to memorize what those last pre-parenthood moments looked like. And then, around 3:30 pm, they told me I was ready. He was about to be born! 

My mom and sister left the room, and Jeff and I kind of just looked at each other... what else do you do when your child is about to be born? I was worried... Connor had measured so big in all of his growth ultrasounds, and I'd been warned by my doctor that a C-section was a very real possibility if he was too big to get out. I knew we might be headed for the operating room even after all the labor I'd already done, and I figured we were probably in for a long, tiring period of pushing.

I did a "practice push" with the nurses, and my heart was so relieved when one of them said "oh, excellent! Stop!" and the other said "you are not going to need a C-section to get this baby out!" My doctor had left on an overseas trip at 3:00 (we just barely missed her!), so we had to wait for the other doctor from her practice to arrive to actually deliver the baby. She got a little delayed, so it was around 4:30 by the time she made it to my hospital room. 

And then it was time. There was a contraction and three pushes. And then just one more contraction and one more push and all of the sudden, when I thought we were still just getting started, it was over and he was here, and I was his mother. I cried, and Jeff cried, and one of the nurses cried at the beauty of the whole thing, and in that moment I forgot the entire world except for that amazing little boy because my mind was so full of our sweet baby. I savored his little cries and cherished the moment that he entered into the world, and even though it only took about a minute for his daddy to cut his cord, it seemed like an eternity before they laid him on my chest.

And then, finally, I held him, and he was beautiful, and his face had me completely mesmerized, and just like I had imagined in my head so many times I told him "Hi Connor... I'm your mommy and I love you so, so much, and I am so glad you're here!" But it wasn't at all like I imagined it really... because I never could've imagined how full my heart would feel, how overwhelmed I'd become seeing his tiny little hands, how he'd capture my entire heart and mind in the tiniest little instant, or how I'd cry joyful tears at the amazing sight of his little face turned toward mine. In one little moment, all at once, everything changed but it felt like he'd already been ours forever and ever. But again... how is it possible to put all that into words? 

So he was here... six pounds and six and a half ounces of absolute perfection, and we loved him instantly with the purest, deepest kind of love.

Pregnancy Recap: Weeks 33-37

Here's the recap of my last few weeks of pregnancy!

Week 33:

We did our last pre-baby tailgating weekend in College Station this week. It'll be interesting to see how tailgating works out next season with a baby... usually I do a lot of prep work for food, and Jeff and I do a lot of heavy lifting and preparation to get everything set up in Spence Park, and I'm sure we won't be able to manage all of it with a baby, so tailgating will probably look a little different next year. We can't fit all the tailgating stuff in the car with the car seat either, so who knows how we'll end up doing it all!

I've been having some lower back pain and I'm not sure if it's contractions or just back pain from carrying around a giant belly. I'm also starting to get headaches, which was one of my doctor's preeclampsia warning signs, so I have a lot to talk to my doctor about next week. I'm glad we're almost to the every-week-appointments stage.

I've pretty much given up on taking belly photos in our backyard like I was doing for the first few months. It's hard for me to get home from work while it's still light outside now that the days are getting shorter, and we keep going places on the weekends so I can't take the photos then either, and I just decided to not worry about it. So now I'm mostly doing iPhone selfies in the bathroom at work. Haha.

32 weeks, 4 days

Week 34:

We attended a "baby basics" class and Infant CPR class at the hospital this week, so I guess now we're as ready as we'll ever be to take care of Connor!

I talked to the doctor about my headaches, lower back pain, and a few other weird things that have been going on. They did a non-stress test to check on Connor and monitor my contractions, and apparently I'm having some real contractions every 5-10 minutes (I still can't feel them though). My doctor is worried about preterm labor and my high blood pressure... so now I'm supposed to be on "modified bedrest," which basically means I can still leave the house, but I'm supposed to be sitting and laying down as much as possible. I'm lucky that my job mostly just requires me to sit at my desk, so I can still work, but I was instructed not to be on my feet cooking Thanksgiving dinner (but let's be honest... I bent the rules a bit on that one).

I turned 34 weeks pregnant on Thanksgiving Day!

Week 35:

Still pregnant! Since the doctor told me last week that pre-term labor is a very real possibility, I'm starting to try to get everything organized at work so that I can hand it off if Connor comes early. I'm trying to leave everything at a nice, clean stopping point at the end of every day and keep everyone informed of what I'm currently working on. It's very odd to leave the office every day not knowing whether I'll be back in the morning!

I'm also trying to get everything organized at home. We put in a giant Amazon.com order for baby things that we still needed, and all the baby laundry is done. Connor's nursery probably won't be totally done until after he arrives (unless he actually waits until his due date), but he'll be in our bedroom for the first few months anyway.

I'm starting to get headaches and some pretty bad vertigo/dizziness, which is apparently all related to the high blood pressure. My doctor did a bunch of blood work and labs to test for preeclampsia, and everything came back fine, so at this point I'm just dealing with all the weird symptoms and wishing for Connor to arrive soon! Still having lots of lower back cramps/pain.

34 weeks, 4 days

Week 36:

I'm starting to feel pretty horrible all the time. The nausea I've had throughout the whole pregnancy has taken a turn for the worse, and the headaches/vertigo/dizziness are getting pretty bad. I had to call Jeff to pick me up and take me home one day this week because I was so dizzy at work that I didn't feel comfortable to drive. We skipped my holiday party for work because I was just feeling so awful.

My blood pressure is getting into scary numbers territory, and my doctor's aware of everything but she wants to try and keep Connor inside a little longer. I think the goal is to make it to at least 37 weeks so he'll be full-term. I'd really like to avoid an induction, but I feel so awful that I also want to get him out as soon as possible. I've been eating a lot of pineapple and spicy food. :)

We attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital this week, so now we've officially completed all of our baby classes!

Week 37:

36 weeks, 1 day

I'm not comfortable driving anymore because of the dizziness, so Jeff dropped me off at work Monday morning and then picked me up to go to a doctor's appointment (36 weeks and 4 days). I told my doctor about how the nausea and dizziness were getting worse, and I was telling her how it feels like I'm stuck on a spinning teacup ride and can't get off, and then I just started tearing up and I couldn't stop it... and there I was, sitting on the paper on the exam room table crying my eyes out.

I haven't really dealt with emotional mood swings much during my pregnancy... no hormonal breakdowns or anything, and I've never ever even come close to crying in a doctor's office, so the whole thing was pretty embarrassing, but my doctor is wonderful and handed me some tissues and told me she's seen worse. Haha.

It was an eventful doctor's appointment. I'm a little dilated and definitely having some contractions, so things are progressing, but it could still be weeks before Connor arrives. I'm officially not allowed to drive or go to work anymore, so I went back to the office to wrap a few things up and tell people what was going on, and then Jeff took me home. I'm planning to work from home the rest of this week, and next week I was planning to take some time off anyway for Christmas, and if I'm still pregnant after that I guess I'll have to figure out whether I need to start my maternity leave early or work something else out with HR. It was very weird to be leaving my office for the last time pre-baby!

We actually never made it to the end of Week 37, since Connor arrived at 36 weeks and 6 days (making him officially a "preemie" by about seven hours... haha)! More details on his birth to come!

Pregnancy Recap: Weeks 28-32

So I'm solidly into the third trimester now, but this pregnancy is still just flying by! I don't know how time can move so quickly! I'm starting to get uncomfortable and be pretty ready for Connor to arrive, but we still have quite a few items to check off our to-do list. Here's a recap of the last few weeks:

Week 28:
Everything looked great at our 28-week doctor's appointment. I had to get a whole collection of various blood tests and shots, including a Rhogam shot (since I'm lucky enough to be in the minority of the population with a negative blood type). I passed my gestational diabetes test with flying colors though!

Overall, I'm feeling really good and it seems like Connor is doing well! Still vomiting every once in a while, but I'm still sleeping really well, my blood pressure is still under control with the medication, and I'm happy I haven't hit the third trimester uncomfortable stage yet!

Week 29:

 

Week 29!

The highlight of the week was Connor's baby shower, hosted by my sisters and future sister-in-law. I felt so overwhelmed by the love and generosity that our family and friends gave to our sweet baby who isn't even here yet, and we feel so much more ready for Connor's arrival now that we have a lot of the key baby items we'll need!

Baby shower!

 

Connor's crib (a sweet gift from my parents!) and elephant hamper (a sweet gift from my sisters!), along with his handmade quilt from Jeff's mom (so special!) and some fabric that I need to turn into a crib skirt!

Week 30:

Week 30!

I'm officially starting to feel huge. I tried to put on a button-down shirt from my pre-pregnancy days this week and there was just no way that thing was buttoning. I've been holding off on switching my wardrobe entirely to maternity clothes, but I'm running out of non-maternity things that still fit!

Jeff took his last pre-Connor business trip to Africa this week, and we'll both be relieved to have him home for a while! I had to go to my 30-week doctor's appointment without him (this is only the second one he's missed the whole time!), but it was a quick appointment. My blood pressure is starting to rise a little, but my doctor isn't too concerned yet. Just something to monitor.

We bought a rocking chair for Connor's room and I assembled it while Jeff was gone. I can't wait to sit in it with Connor in just a few weeks!!!

 

Week 31:
I started doing baby laundry this week! It's a little surreal to be actually doing something so practical in preparation for our little boy to arrive! Every time I'd pull something out of the laundry pile I'd show it to Jeff and say "isn't this cute?!" and eventually he had to just tell me that yes, everything in the whole load of laundry is cute, and I didn't have to ask him about each individual thing. :)



My blood pressure is still increasing despite the medicine so I'm getting a little worried about that, but still feeling great overall! Connor seems to have shifted lower in my belly, and I can finally take a deep breath for the first time in months! SO nice that he's not squishing my lungs anymore!

Week 32:
We spent an entire Saturday at the hospital's childbirth prep class, so now we're officially ready to have a baby (ha!). We have breastfeeding and "baby basics" classes coming up as well, plus our pre-Baptism class at church. So many classes!



 

Week 32!

My 32-week doctor's appointment was a rough one. Connor's measuring 4lbs 14oz on the ultrasound, so he's in the 93rd percentile for weight. My doctor sat me down and told me that chances are really good that I'll have to have a C-section to get him out. More than anything else regarding labor and delivery, I really REALLY wanted to avoid a C-section, so it was a little disheartening. I really love my doctor though... she told me not to worry too much because ultrasound measurements can be really inaccurate, and she told me she'd let me try to deliver naturally despite how big he's measuring. So I'm trying not to worry and to just be glad we have a big, healthy baby!

My doctor was pretty concerned about my increasing blood pressure numbers too. We can't increase my medication dosage anymore, so at this point it's just getting higher and higher and there's nothing we can do to stop it. She asked me a bunch of questions about whether I'm having any headaches, swelling, or tunnel vision (no, no, and no), and then told me that if I do start getting any of those things, they'll induce labor right away. Isn't that crazy? We're supposed to have eight more weeks!

She also talked to me about going on some sort of modified bedrest to lower my blood pressure (not in the hospital or anything, but no working and no going places and the majority of my time spent on the couch or in bed). I told her I really didn't want to do that already since I still have almost two months until my due date, and she agreed to hold off for now and reassess at my next appointment in two weeks. So now I'm just trying to be as calm and un-stressed as much as possible so I can get those blood pressure numbers down and avoid being stuck in my house for the next two months!

We did get a semi-decent ultrasound profile shot though, and my mom came to the appointment so she could see the ultrasound too, which was fun. :)

 

 

The ultrasound tech told us that the top of his head is showing up dark and blurry because it's already in my pelvic bone. Umm, crazy, right? He's already positioned to make his move and enter the world!

So that's where we're at! 32 weeks down. My mom delivered each of my two sisters and me at 35 weeks, so if genetics are any indication... Connor could be coming in three weeks. Or he'll just hang out until his due date in eight weeks. Either way, we're so excited for him to officially join our family!

Pumpkin Patch 2014!

While my sister was in town for Connor's baby shower, we squeezed in our annual trip to the pumpkin patch!

We couldn't resist taking a few cheesy pregnancy/pumpkin photos... :)

We rode the hayride and looked all over for the perfect pumpkins!

Aren't my parents the cutest?!

And my sister, Karoline, is pretty cute too. :)

Next year we'll have a little baby with us at the pumpkin patch! 

Here are our pumpkin patch trips from 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013!

Connor's "Little Pumpkin" Baby Shower

My sisters and soon-to-be sister-in-law hosted the sweetest baby shower for baby Connor and me! It was "little pumpkin"-themed, and it was just adorable!

My sisters by the "We Love Our Little Pumpkin" banner. :)

Pumpkin Spice and Caramel Apple Cupcakes!

Delicious food! 

All of the guests signed the "Cute as a Button" canvas for Connor's nursery, and they wrote funny messages on diapers for Jeff and I to read during late-night diaper changes. :)


Sweet shower hostesses - Karoline, Kristen, and Emily!


My mom and Grandmom!

The hostesses planned a few fun little games. They had everyone guess how big around my belly was by cutting a piece of yarn...

My cousin Liz and my Gran were the winners! 

Next, they divided everyone into a few teams and passed out cut-up photos of Jeff and me. Each team had to piece together various features of Jeff and me to make their prediction of what Connor will look like! 

Before opening gifts, the hostesses put an ice cube into each guest's drink. The ice cubes had little tiny babies inside, and everyone was supposed to race to see who could get their "water to break" (baby to break free from the ice cube) first.

Aunt Lucy was the winner!

I generally don't like situations where I have to be the center of attention, so opening gifts at showers was always a little uncomfortable for me when I had bridal showers before our wedding, but I was so overwhelmed by the sweet, thoughtful gifts that people brought for Connor that I was just so happy the whole time!

The hostesses asked everyone to bring a book instead of a card, and Connor ended up with a library full of books inscribed with sweet sentiments from his family and friends! So sweet!

Connor got so many adorable clothes!

He also got so many handmade, precious gifts!

A blanket from my great aunt!

A quilt from Jeff's mom!

Embroidered bibs from Jeff's great aunt!

The party favors were little paper pumpkins filled with candy. So cute! 

I was so, so overwhelmed with the love and support of all the sweet ladies who came to the shower, and especially by all the planning and love that Emily, Karoline, and Kristen put into it! I'm a very blessed girl, and Connor is a very blessed little boy to be so loved by so many people already!